I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want to have your abortion
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
