Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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