I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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