I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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