My hand turned me down
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize