The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize