why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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