Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
