dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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