Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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