i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
