we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
