I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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