1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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