plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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