Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
