Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
