I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
