sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
