Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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