We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
