You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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