you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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