I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
