Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My bed smells like the plague
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
