Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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