The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I want a musical about memes.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
