I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
