Tell her she can't have a vagina
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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