theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
