why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
