just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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