I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish you could order shots online.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
