you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
