i think my tv is drunk
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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