6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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