Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
