You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
