I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
