I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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