Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
