Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
