you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
