Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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