i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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