A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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