just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
