and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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