i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
