I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize