i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
