Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize