my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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