he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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