Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I had to cum in my sink.
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