Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
