More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
