Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
