Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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