I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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