I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
