I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
