My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
