mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He shit in the fireplace
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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