Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
