i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize