Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry morningwd hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(202): View more from Washington, DC

the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

Fav 6 959 2253
share tweet
(604): View more from British Columbia

I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.

Fav 16 1368 5021
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(850): View more from Florida

2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.

Fav 4 1315 2559
share tweet
(213): View more from California

The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.

Fav 4 2443 1026
share tweet
(406): View more from Montana

I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.

Fav 12 1013 2496
share tweet
(612): View more from Minnesota

He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!

Fav 7 890 572
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(315): View more from New York

She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.

Fav 7 504 968
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(605): View more from South Dakota

Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other

Fav 0 9 35
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(941): View more from Florida

BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition

Fav 0 229 20
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT